And Counting
by darkcottonsim
Summary: After the death of her boyfriend Ron, Hermione struggles to focus on life.
**Title** : And Counting
 **Author** : darkcottonsim  
 **Word Coun** t: 2k+  
 **Rating** : T  
 **Prompt** : Write about someone preparing for or taking an exam in the subject. Ancient Runes.  
 **Warning** : Depression. Stress. Major Character Death. Slash. AU.  
 **Author's Notes** : Submission #2 for the QLFC.

6.) (word) light

9.) (word) watery

10.) (dialogue) "You won't need any sun cream; it's not even that sunny!"

 **Summary** : After the death of her boyfriend Ron, Hermione struggles to focus on life.

* * *

 ** _Day 350_**

She opened her eyes and was greeted by the morning sun and a blinding headache, forcing her to shut her eyes again. She shifted in her bed. Hermione mentally crossed off another day and sighed. It had been almost a full year. Hermione sat up in her bed and did away her silencing charm and was met with laughing from the common room.

The witch really did not understand what could possibly be funny. Hermione had not found anything humorous in a while. She finally found the strength to get out of her bed, smell the pile of clothes in her trunk to determine what she would wear for the day, brush her teeth, glance at her hair, and head to the common room. When she arrived downstairs, everyone was still laughing, their faces lit up as if they hadn't a care in the world. As if there weren't people who couldn't be there to laugh with them.

The laughter quickly dissolved as Hermione was sighted. She spotted Harry walking towards her with a faint smile, the kind of smile that was fragile. He placed a hand on her arm.

"Morning. Slept well?" Harry asked her the same thing every day and every day she had the same answer.

"I slept."

Harry nodded at the response but his eyes still held his worry. Hermione hated that he only gave that look to _her_. She looked behind Harry and saw her common roommates again chatting away without a care in the world. In the corner, Dean and Seamus were in what looked to be a competitive Wizard's Chess match against two smug looking Slytherins.

Seamus made a move, then Draco Malfoy quickly made another and Seamus's piece was blasted to crumbles. The eighteen-year-old's pale face turned a bright shade of red while Dean put a comforting hand on his arm.

"You're cheatin', mate! I know it!" Seamus exclaimed.

Malfoy raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms.

"And how did I manage that, Finnigan? Dean here was watching me the whole time," Malfoy said with a wink.

Dean groaned out loud. "Oh please don't start him up again, Draco."

"Dean would never take interest in _you_ , you bloody cheat!" Seamus said as he pointed a finger at Malfoy. "If anything, it was Zabini who was checking _me_ out!"

At that Zabini gave a genuine, hearty laugh. "I would think not. Two is enough for me. However, our bed will always have enough room for you, Dean."

Seamus's outcry was accompanied with him jumping out of his chair. Harry walked over to his two favorite boys.

"Now, now. Blaise, stop teasing Seamus and Draco, stop cheating," he said as he took a seat closer to his Slytherins.

Malfoy let out a dramatic gasp and put a hand over his heart. "I am appalled that you think so little of me, Harry," he said with a pout.

Harry gave him a stern look and reached inside Malfoy's tailored robe sleeve to pull out a bag of the original, untampered chess pieces. Seamus sputtered in disbelief and Harry pressed a kiss to the top of Malfoy's head.

"Even if the pieces weren't switched out, I'd still win," Malfoy said with his signature smirk.

 _It was true. Everyone knew that Malfoy was the best Wizard's Chess player in the school,_ Hermione thought. The only one who could have beaten Malfoy was Him.

"'Mione!"

Seamus's voice interrupted her thoughts and her attention snapped to the table.

"Show this Ferret that he isn't all he's cracked up to be."

Hermione blinked. "What?

"You're just as good as Malfoy is."

Before Hermione could reply, she was being pulled towards the table and forced to sit in the seat opposite from Malfoy. Hermione stared at the chess pieces. Malfoy reset the game with a swish of his wand and looked at her as if to say "You first."

"You got this, Hermione! Ron taught you all he knows," Seamus said proudly.

The intelligent witch felt her throat close and her chest getting tighter. She sharply stood up sharply and burst through the fat lady portrait to head to the library. She ignored the cries of her name behind her.

 _ **Day 352**_

It was a Monday. But this Monday was a special Monday. It was the Monday of Hermione's final exam in Ancient Runes. She cared little for the subject but it was her last exam for her 'eighth' year and she just wanted to get it over with. Both the eighth and seventh years were to graduate together with a big celebration for both the end of their school journey and to commemorate those lost in the war.

Ancient Runes was the only class Hermione now had without her friends this year. Ron used to take the course with her. She felt as though her brain was trying to tear through her skull so she stopped thinking about it. The old Professor greeted the class with a flustered smile as she walked into the room, late as ever. The class was too nervous to care.

"I'm sure most of you are ready to fly through this exam, no? Your last exam for my class. Don't worry. If you've studied this should be a piece of cake!" Her greying hair only seemed to brighten as she smiled and distributed the exams with a flick of her wand. Cherry oak and a dove feather. It was a wand that Hermione thought suited her professor perfectly. Pliable and good at hexes but light and exceptional at healing charms.

When Hermione's exam was set in front of her she skimmed through the first set of questions. _Easy enough_ , she thought. She never understood why Ron had thought the subject challenging. Within ten minutes of the exam, the headache started up again. The bright witch found it terribly hard to concentrate once they started up.

 _Oh come on, Hermione. You know this. Ehwaz means...defense?_ Hermione shook her head which just seemed to make her brain shriek inside her head and etch claw marks into her skull. She let out an audible hiss which caught the attention of the professor.

"Miss Granger? Are you alright, there?"

Hermione placed a hand to her temple. "Yes, professor. I-I'm fine." Another sharp pain took the breath out of her.

"Perhaps you should go to Madame Pomfrey-"

"No!" Hermione said with much more edge than she had intended. "I am going to take this exam! I am not going to let this _stupid_ headache prevent me from completing it!" Hermione didn't take notice in the fact that she was gripping her quill so hard that it snapped and spilled ink over her parchment. She clenched her teeth and tried to grind out the blinding pain.

She hated when it got this bad. Not only did her vision suffer, but her hearing as well.

"-ger. Miss Granger!"

And then it all gradually died down. The sharp jabs faded to a dull throb. When the world came back into focus she saw the professor as well as most of the students looking at her with concern.

"I'm sorry for that, Professor. I am fine." She pulled another quill from her bag and as the bewildered faces around her tried to comprehend what just happened, she continued on with her test and turned it in along with everyone else at the end of the class.

She received the highest score.

Day 364

Harry walked alongside Draco, Hermione, and Blaise to Potions. Draco and Blaise were bickering about where they would go after graduation.

"You won't need any sun cream; it's not even that sunny!" Blaise said to Draco.

"Well excuse me for wanting to take care of my pure, aristocratic skin, Blaise!"

Every so often Harry would watch Hermione through the corner of his eye just to make sure she was all right. _She'll never be all right_ , a voice trailed in his thoughts, _her boyfriend is dead_. Harry shook his head. After Ron's death during the war, Hermione became encased in her own bubble. She wouldn't even speak to Harry that following summer at the Burrow. She didn't speak to anyone, actually.

The first time she uttered a word to anyone was to tell Harry that she would be returning to Hogwarts to get her N.E.W.T.S. He decided to follow her instead of going straight into the Auror program as he had originally planned.

Harry felt Blaise bump into him and lightly touch his hand in an affectionate manner. Harry smiled at him. He was glad that he had come back. He had Blaise and Draco by his side. They were doing everything in their power to help Hermione despite their past aggressions with Ron. Everyone's sympathies were with the only female member of the Golden Trio and Harry's were as well, but Ron was his very first and best friend. He was hurting as well but Hermione needed his support in any way he could give it.

Ron's death had affected her in such harmful ways that Harry was scared everyday that Hermione wouldn't have the will to get up that morning. She was a sister to him and he would give anything to protect her.

Just as they were descending the stairs to the dungeon, Harry suddenly realized he couldn't hear Hermione's trudging footsteps behind him. He turned and saw Hermione just standing there with both of her hands clasping her head. Her eyes were shut tightly and her legs were shaking.

"Hermione, what's wrong?"

Instead of answering, Hermione let out a loud shriek that caused Harry to falter. Before anyone could react, Hermione grabbed hold of the wall and banged her head against the hard surface. Harry flinched as he saw the horrific act. He couldn't move. He willed his legs to move, he willed himself to help his friend but he just couldn't.

"Make. It. Stop!" The girl screamed with every thump of her head. Harry could see blood starting to trickle down her face. The three boys could do nothing but watch, paralyzed in disbelief and fear.

Before anyone could blink, a hand turned her around mid _thwack_.

"Are you out of your mind, Miss Granger?" A chilling voice asked.

Hermione looked up with glazed eyes and blood trickling down her face to look at whoever had stopped her.

"Professor?" was the last thing Hermione whispered before everything went dark.

 _ **Day 365**_

She felt something warm holding her hand. She tried opening her eyes but could not.

"I'm so sorry, Hermione. I should have helped you more. I should have stopped you from-" the voice choked and stopped talking and instead chose to sob.

She recognized the wavering voice as Harry's. Her best friend was crying and she didn't know why. She wished she could comfort him and tell him that it was all right but her body felt so weak. She could not open her eyes. Why couldn't she open her eyes?

 ** _Hermione._**

 _What was that?_

 ** _Hermione._** The voice called again. It sounded a lot like-

 _Ron?_

Through the darkness, a figure formed. Ron was standing there with a look of worry etching his face. His hair was still a fiery red and his eyes were still a watery blue.

 ** _Oh, Hermione. I'm so sorry._**

Suddenly, Hermione materialized there in the darkness as well. She could see her own hands reaching out to her dead boyfriend. Ron stepped forward and placed a hand on her cheek.

 ** _Please, move on. I can't stand to see you this way._**

 _Ron, how are you here?_ Ron shook his head sadly _._

 ** _I can't move on._**

 _Why can't you?_

 ** _How can I when you're suffering?_**

 _You expect me not to suffer? You expect me not to miss you?_

 ** _It's been a year, Hermione. You're still in denial. Please. It's ok to miss me, but let me rest._**

Hermione looked at him with tear-filled eyes.

 ** _Why did you leave me? Why? You could have stayed with me._**

Ron smiled in affection and placed his hand on her head.

 ** _I'm sorry. I didn't plan it. No one knows what will happen during a war. But trust me when I say I never left you and I never will. I'll always be with you. But I think it's time to let me go._**

 _How? I don't know what to do._

 ** _Yes you do. You're the smartest witch the world has ever seen._**

 _Ron._ Hermione pulled him into an embrace. _I missed holding you like this._ She placed her hand to the man's face. She remembered every freckle, every raise, every smooth edge of him.

 ** _I did, too, 'Mione._**

 _Now this will be my last time,_ she continued, _Because...because I'm going to let you go, and you'll be gone._

A bright light engulfed Ron. Hermione didn't dare look up but she could feel the soft smile that was all for her.

 ** _Thank you, Hermione._**

Ron turned into dust beneath her body causing her to fall.

And fall.

And fall.

And fall.

 _ **Day ?**_

When Hermione finally opened her eyes, she was met by the calming light of the moon. She recognized that she was in the hospital wing. Her head throbbed slightly and when she placed a hand to it she felt gauze. She tried not to think about why it was there.

"You are finally awake," a deep voice said from her right.

Hermione jumped and turned.

"Professor," she said in disbelief.

"How do you feel?" Snape looked at her with a softness that she had yet to see from him. He sat in a chair next to a bed.

"I…" She tried sitting up and gasped when Snape placed his hands on her arms to help her up. "I think I could be better."

"Is that so?"

"I need help, Professor. I...Ron's death…"

Snape nodded in understanding and Hermione saw the scar where he was bitten by  
Nagini. "I happen to know a very effective Mind Healer. Minerva advised me to see him shortly after the war."

A comfortable silence was shared between them before Hermione decided to speak.

"Professor, Ron visited me. He couldn't move on because of me. I didn't want to accept that he was dead."

Snape didn't have a reply. Hermione was grateful for that. She turned to the window beside her bed and watched the bright crescent moon.

"It was my fault, Professor."

"That Mr. Weasley couldn't move on?"

"No, his death. It was my fault."

"I hardly think that is true, Miss Granger."

"Hermione," she said.

"Excuse me?" Snape stuttered.

"I graduate in a few days. I'm not exactly a student anymore. My name is Hermione."

Snape cleared his throat. "I, uh, heard that you've been suffering from migraines."

"Migraines…" She repeated.

"Signs of prolonged stress."

"Stress…"

"I have a potion that can help your migraines."

"Help…"

"Are you my echo now?"

Hermione let out a chuckle which soon turned hysterical. Snape's eyes widened in shock. She must have looked mad. She felt mad. A hand on her wrist brought her back to the world. When she looked, she saw a hint of fear in Snape's eyes.

"Sorry. I just haven't laughed like that in a very long time. I just haven't found a reason to."

"Potter informed me of your behavior while you were resting," Snape stated.

"Where is he?"

"I sent him to his Common Room. He'd been sitting here since you arrived."

"He's a good friend. I owe him. He helped me so much. I hated that he had to cry over me. I'll try to get better."

Snape gave her a nod.

"Oh, and Professor, thank you for bringing me to the hospital wing. I owe you my life."

"Severus."

"Huh?"

"You said it yourself. You're not a student anymore. No need to call me Professor."

"Hm...Severus." She liked the way it just rolled off her tongue. "Do you know...I haven't cried since Ron's death? I couldn't. I just…didn't want to accept it. I thought if I didn't cry, it wouldn't be true."

"And now, Miss Granger?"

Hermione blinked once before collapsing into the older man's arms.

She stayed quiet. Just listening to the breaths of the Potions Master. She felt secured and protected.

Her hands were gripped at the sides of the man's robes and her hair had to be in the professor's face but she was too comfortable to care. She felt the first tear run down her cheek.

"Severus," she whispered to the dark-haired wizard.

Severus placed a hand in her wild, bushy hair and stroked her head. He didn't say a word and again, Hermione thought that was for the best. She felt safe and warm in the arms of Severus Snape.

 _Day 0_ she said to herself.

And then she finally was able to bawl.


End file.
